Knowing Your Pattern of Relationship – Collateral Patterns Part 1

Healing relationships

Ø Couples tend to talk about the past a lot, about struggle or loss that preceded their own relationship
Ø They go over and over it, reliving it on different levels as they try to understand and come to terms with it
Ø Characters: gentleness, support, and comfort rather than great passion
Ø Play-oriented rather than work-oriented, plenty of recreation, trips together and other ways of indulging each other
Ø If the relationship ends rather than moving into a different form, the ending tends to be supportive rather than traumatic, perhaps as a gradual growing away from each other
Ø Sometimes, a person may have two or three different healing relationships at once

Experimental Relationships

Ø “trying it out” relationships
Ø Tends to find out how to relate to someone like this person, and what does it feel to be in such a relationship
Ø Open and find new ways of behaving with others, perhaps to d iscovering little-known sides of oneself and allowing them to grow

Ø Dating relationships often have this quality of exploration and when the connection clicks, it may evolve into one of the dominant forms
Ø If the connection almost clicks but not quite, it may influence what a person looks for in the next partner

Transitional Relationships

Ø Cross between the old and the new, between patterns that drove you crazy and others that you were changing
Ø Handling the old issues and conflicts in new ways
Ø Try new ways of being and relating
Ø Good place to practice for a long-term relationship
Ø Example: a woman who had experienced a situation where her husband lied to her constantly, forcing her to rely on her intuitive sense of what was really going on, became involved with a man who was basically honest but whose love of drama led to exaggeration. In the past, such exaggeration would have enraged her but she is now allowing herself to discover that in the areas that counted, he was honest
Ø But in cases where one person gets hooked into the old patterns or falls into the same old addictions as in the previous relationships, this stops being a transitional relationship

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