Knowing Your Pattern of Relationship – Dominant Patterns Part 1

Survival Relationships

Ø    These happen when partners feel that they can never make it on their own and it’s based on: “Without you I am nothing, with you I am something”
Ø    May involve physical as well as emotional such as the finding shelter, eating, working and paying bills
Ø    Based more on “what I need” than on “what you can offer me”
Ø    A symbiotic union and a desperate clinging one
Ø    Example of relationship: Cases where one partner physically abuses the other
Ø    Desperation of contact and fear of losing
Ø    Partners tend to have a very fuzzy sense of their personal boundaries
Ø    Little tolerance for independence and aloneness
Ø    Strong feelings of insecurity
Ø    When they leave one relationship for another, they tend to make sure that there is someone else to jump to before letting go the person they have been with, or make a quick impulsive choice of a new partner.
Ø    Ending of such relationships is a sign of growth by one partner or both
Ø    Type of ending: hostile way that is at least emotionally destructive and at most physically violent

Validation Relationships

Ø    A person may seek another’s validation of his or her physical attractiveness, intellect, social status, sexuality, wealth or some other attributes
Ø    Many teenagers and young adults seek for physical or sexual validation in their relationship. Physical appearance, cool car, and a package of romantic images tend to attract young people who seek for this form of validation
Ø    However, these relationships are always a little insecure because there will be doubts on the sincerity of the partner in them
Ø    Each partner can be looking for different kind of validation i.e. A senior businessman who takes up with an attractive young college student may want physical and sexual validation while the student wants money validation
Ø    As the relationship continues, one person may continue to require validation while the other wants something deeper i.e. a woman who marries money and realized that she still feels anxious and threatened even though she is rich, and that the money doesn’t do what she thought it would.
Ø    Another example: An older man who needs physical validation initially marries a beautiful young lady may not have a promising future if that’s all she has. But if she is intelligent as well, the relationship may develop when she begin to play an important role in his business, or develop her own abilities which makes her a useful partner.

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  1. hehe.

  2. why oh why.

  3. Great read:D

  4. christy.yong says:

    Thanks, Wei Han :)

  5. summary: Let go, Let GOD.

  6. christy.yong says:

    Yea :)

  7. hello there… suggestions ya: write about how to break up ethically
    about how to tell if a person is not that into you anymore
    how to know more about a person before going into a RS

  8. Hi RJ,

    Well thanks for the suggestion. Or perhaps we shall have how to break it up ethically or unethically…hehee..

  9. Very interesting topic.
    Cool site as well. Keep it up.
    Love all the post and this will deffinately give people more understanding bout what’s love.

  10. Congrat for newly born blog! Seems like you love to talk about Love and relationship so much hor. So experience? :D

  11. christy.yong says:

    Hey Bajista! Thanks for dropping by again :) I do hope that there will be more people coming to this site to share their thoughts as well as discussing on other relevant topics :)

  12. christy.yong says:

    Hi Nancy!!! Thanks for coming :) Yea, I have started to write articles on this topic recently. it is a popular topic and there are lots of problems which might arise in relationships. This blog is to share opinions and ideas on how to deal with these issues and to bring the spark back ;)

  13. @Bajista

    Thanks for dropping by.

    @White Crystal

    You are absolutely right..Christy is the next love guru and expert in this field…keep it up the good work.. :)

  14. christy.yong says:


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