Knowing Your Pattern of Relationship – Dominant Patterns Part 3

Acceptance Relationships

Ø Trust, support and enjoy each other
Ø When expectations are not overwhelming, when combative instincts are not too strong and inclinations not too dissonant, a scripted relationship can evolve into an acceptance relationship
Ø When there are enough growth to keep couples together, and insecurities allow for honest reassurances, a validation relationship can also evolve into an acceptance relationship

Individual- Assertion Relationships

Ø Based on the assertion of each person’s wants and needs, and on respect for the other person’s process of personal growth
Ø They require each person’s acknowledgment and appreciation of their differences
Ø Includes elements of an acceptance relationship but the roles are more flexible and boundaries more permeable
Ø Partners actively encourage each others’ creativity and growth in new directions, and encourage the partner to pursue personal interests with which they themselves have little connection
Ø Partners tend to appreciate differentness, opening up the range of people that they can connect with
Ø Partners often look different on the outside but on the inside, the processes for handling conflicts and problems may be similar
Ø This relationship demands an ability to tolerate ambiguities
Ø As partners develop goals and resolve problems, flexibility is needed to deal with issues without getting locked into their “positions”
Ø It is not a major issue when one person doesn’t know what to do on Easter.
Ø Some couples in other forms of relationship finds it easier to move into an acceptance relationship while others find it easier to move into an individual-assertion relationship

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