Knowing Your Pattern of Relationship – Introduction

This typology was devised by Carmen Lynch, M.F.C.C., a couples and family therapist in private practice on the Peninsula south of San Francisco. Victor Daniels, Professor of Psychology at Sonoma State University took notes on a talk in which she described it, added two categories and a few additional ideas, and wrote it down in the form in which it is presented here.

According to a typology devised by Carmen Lynch, M.F.C.C., in the south Peninsula of San Francisco, which Victor Daniels, Professor of Psychology at Sonoma State University agreed on, there are two categories of patterns in relationships:

Dominant Patterns- lasts longer than merely few years

Collateral Patterns- lasts from few weeks (can be as little as a night) to few years

I have listed all 10 patterns in two categories as shown above. The name of the patterns itself have express the approximate duration in those relationships. It is really important to know the pattern of our relationship. Some have encountered few traumatic relationships, yet they do not know what went wrong.

Some do not know what they have been looking for in those relationships that they have experienced. Therefore, one must learn to identify the patterns of their relationships and start pondering their type.

Read more on the upcoming post: A summary of this typology.

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  1. hmm.. this is interesting but I think takes a too simplistic point of view.

  2. jordan durant says:

    the truth is in a relationship you go as long as you want the is no such thing s a dominate or collateral relationship, if it is a so call collateral relationship then the only reason it is like that is because you chose to make it like that you made choices in your relationship that either ruined it or made it better……. and some choices cant be taken back or repaired, there is no suck thing as fate in this world you know why its because fate is made up of the choices you make, saying things such as dominate and collateral relationships is basically fate cuz you are saying that your relationship is destined to last this long or my relationship is destined to be this way but the truth is it is a certain way because you CHOOSE TO THINK LIKE THAT, so if you want yoru relationship to last then make the right choices in life and stop believing what ppl say about your life and decide to make you future and fate

  3. Very complex and it is hurting my braincells:D

  4. christy.yong says:

    Thanks Jordan :) Interesting comment you have here. This is a research done by couples and family therapist, further elaborated by a professor of psychology too. Somehow, I do agree with the research made. It’s not really a guide in our relationship. It’s derived from much relationship problems and encounters. It’s something that happens without we realizing them. Group of psychologists has derived from the typical problems and categorized them into these groups-dominant and collateral. It’s not a scripted guideline that indicates how your relationship should be.

  5. christy.yong says:

    Thanks for dropping by, Funnybone :) You are a really funny one huh. Well, love can be really enjoying. when you don’t enjoy it, probably you are looking into the wrong one :) When will you be getting a gf huh? LOL. Take care yea. Looking forward to meeting you soon ;)

  6. jordan durant says:

    yes it is made by ppl and couples in problems, but thin how did the problem originally happen because someone made a stupid choice and then they went to talk to someone smart and they finally figured out what they were doing wrong like and avoidance relationship some one had to make the choice first to avoid then it created an avoidance relationship, then ppl think cuz they see something like this that their relationship is a avoidance relationship, which by wht the professionals say should only last a couple years so they end up not even trying to repair their relationship, but things like this were made to point out what they are doing wrong but ppl take it in the wrong perspective and they think it is telling them how long they will most likely last, but it was developed to tell ppl what they are doing wrong in their relationship so they can fix it but ppl just give up,

    so in the end what they are saying has truth to it but ppl take it in the wrong perspective , so thats why i say they should just make their own choices in life and learn for themselves cuz only living life is the best lesson their is to learn to get through life

  7. christy.yong says:

    Well, the choices were made at a moment when they really wanted it to happen. So it’s not supposed to be regretted anyhow. Just learn from mistakes. But yea, these theories are made from what they can see. In fact, it’s all psychological when it comes to deriving a habit, an attitude thingy. I do agree that we shouldn’t get hooked to a point where we rely way too much on the ideas that are derived. It’s simply because some might just give up without giving their best shot. It’s not meant to say “oh yea, you are DESTINED to be in an avoidance relationship. So just give up cos you wont go far” kinda thing. It simply enables us to know our weaknesses and thus we shall improve and avoid things that will lead to more so-called mistakes.

    Of course they should make their own choice and live life to the max! :D

  8. jordan durant says:


  9. christy.yong says:

    Thanks, Jordan for sharing your thoughts here :)

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