Air Supply might have sung it to mean a certain thing, but this is in an entirely different context. I believe that it is best to write about the things you know, and as a follow-up to my previous post on “Cheating Leads To Disaster In Relationship”, I thought I’d write of the things I’ve experienced and learned from, in hopes that it’ll help anybody else who ever unfortunately finds themselves in a similar predicament.
So what do you do when you find out that your partner has cheated?
It’s not something that’s easy to come to terms with. Your mind is working at warp speed, wondering why the hell this is happening, why it’s happening to you, what you might have did to deserve it, how you feel, and on top of all that, most situations put you in a spot of power. You did not slip up and therefore, you are entitled to making the decision of whether your relationship is nothing but a part of history or not – that’s the least an unfaithful partner can do.
Before you go on an incoherent rant, breaking up then and there only to regret it later, or worse, forgive and forget only to find that it’s something you’ve never truly gotten over after too long, there are some things you should know, and some things you should consider before making the final call and putting your foot down. Especially when you’re yet to reach a level of life-altering significance i.e. marriage, don’t jump the gun and forget this one indiscretion without considering how it’ll affect you in the long run, but on that note, it’s not something that should be taken lightly.
- The duration of your relationship counts for something. At times, when it’s been too long and the heat has long since fizzled, the most lukewarm opportunities look like a blast in comparison. If you were cheated on within the first 6 months to a year of your relationship, I’d suggest you not waste your time and kick him/her to the curb. This tells you something about how long they are capable of being loyal, and if they couldn’t do that much, what makes you think anything will change as soon as you want them to?
- Consider the kind of person you are dating as well – their history, their intentions, and their capability for change. Some people have a pattern of cheating, and if you’re willing to hang in there for when they come to their sense, then more power to you. Plenty a time, however, this isn’t a guarantee and as amazing as you think they might be, there are some things that just need to be put up with and it is important that you remember that you don’t have to if it’s at the cost of your happiness. Some people stray for the most innocent reasons, and old habits are hard to break, but if you see a silver lining then by all means, stay. Otherwise, put yourself first and get the hell out of there.
- Now, consider the kind of person you are. Some people forgive and forget, while some never get around to doing either. You might think you’re alright with it now, but dig deep down inside and think about how this will affect you and your feelings for this relationship (and your partner) in the long run. At the risk of self-indulgence, let me tell you that when this happened to me, I thought I’d get over it. I thought I’d be able to look past it and start fresh. I could not have been more wrong if I tried, and went down a spiral of blackmail and revenge for the remainder of that relationship. Don’t waste your time on denial if you know that you’re never really going to be alright with it. If you’re really looking for a clean slate, then take my word for it, this is the last place you’ll find one.
- Finally, it’s important to understand that nobody is perfect and that people make mistakes. If you believe that this was a one-time thing, that your partner is truly sorry and will no sooner decapitate themselves before doing it again, then who knows – it could be worth that second chance. If Darwin had it right and we are the product of evolution, then animal characteristics aren’t too far behind, and there are very few species that are wholly monogamous. These are cracks in the foundation – people screw up, so it could be worth the risk. If they do it again, you’ll know what to do.
On that note, finding yourself in this situation can be stressful, nerve-wracking, and have you going out of your young mind. Keep yourself busy, maintain only necessary contact, and try to limit the amount of outside advice you get because that can sometimes confuse you further. Your mission is to avoid feeling sorry for yourself, and to digest the fact that it is not the worst thing in the world to be single if it means you’re protecting yourself from being hurt for absolutely nothing.
For your sake, I hope you never have to consider taking this advice. If ever, however, you find yourself in such a situation, I hope this helps you realize that it isn’t all that bad. Do enjoy the video below by Air Supply – Making Love Out Of Nothing At All
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