Making Love Out Of Nothing At All

Air Supply might have sung it to mean a certain thing, but this is in an entirely different context. I believe that it is best to write about the things you know, and as a follow-up to my previous post on “Cheating Leads To Disaster In Relationship”, I thought I’d write of the things I’ve experienced and learned from, in hopes that it’ll help anybody else who ever unfortunately finds themselves in a similar predicament.

So what do you do when you find out that your partner has cheated?

It’s not something that’s easy to come to terms with. Your mind is working at warp speed, wondering why the hell this is happening, why it’s happening to you, what you might have did to deserve it, how you feel, and on top of all that, most situations put you in a spot of power. You did not slip up and therefore, you are entitled to making the decision of whether your relationship is nothing but a part of history or not – that’s the least an unfaithful partner can do.

Before you go on an incoherent rant, breaking up then and there only to regret it later, or worse, forgive and forget only to find that it’s something you’ve never truly gotten over after too long, there are some things you should know, and some things you should consider before making the final call and putting your foot down. Especially when you’re yet to reach a level of life-altering significance i.e. marriage, don’t jump the gun and forget this one indiscretion without considering how it’ll affect you in the long run, but on that note, it’s not something that should be taken lightly.

  • The duration of your relationship counts for something. At times, when it’s been too long and the heat has long since fizzled, the most lukewarm opportunities look like a blast in comparison. If you were cheated on within the first 6 months to a year of your relationship, I’d suggest you not waste your time and kick him/her to the curb. This tells you something about how long they are capable of being loyal, and if they couldn’t do that much, what makes you think anything will change as soon as you want them to?
  • Consider the kind of person you are dating as well – their history, their intentions, and their capability for change. Some people have a pattern of cheating, and if you’re willing to hang in there for when they come to their sense, then more power to you. Plenty a time, however, this isn’t a guarantee and as amazing as you think they might be, there are some things that just need to be put up with and it is important that you remember that you don’t have to if it’s at the cost of your happiness. Some people stray for the most innocent reasons, and old habits are hard to break, but if you see a silver lining then by all means, stay. Otherwise, put yourself first and get the hell out of there.
  • Now, consider the kind of person you are. Some people forgive and forget, while some never get around to doing either. You might think you’re alright with it now, but dig deep down inside and think about how this will affect you and your feelings for this relationship (and your partner) in the long run. At the risk of self-indulgence, let me tell you that when this happened to me, I thought I’d get over it. I thought I’d be able to look past it and start fresh. I could not have been more wrong if I tried, and went down a spiral of blackmail and revenge for the remainder of that relationship. Don’t waste your time on denial if you know that you’re never really going to be alright with it. If you’re really looking for a clean slate, then take my word for it, this is the last place you’ll find one.
  • Finally, it’s important to understand that nobody is perfect and that people make mistakes. If you believe that this was a one-time thing, that your partner is truly sorry and will no sooner decapitate themselves before doing it again, then who knows – it could be worth that second chance. If Darwin had it right and we are the product of evolution, then animal characteristics aren’t too far behind, and there are very few species that are wholly monogamous. These are cracks in the foundation – people screw up, so it could be worth the risk. If they do it again, you’ll know what to do.

On that note, finding yourself in this situation can be stressful, nerve-wracking, and have you going out of your young mind. Keep yourself busy, maintain only necessary contact, and try to limit the amount of outside advice you get because that can sometimes confuse you further. Your mission is to avoid feeling sorry for yourself, and to digest the fact that it is not the worst thing in the world to be single if it means you’re protecting yourself from being hurt for absolutely nothing.

For your sake, I hope you never have to consider taking this advice. If ever, however, you find yourself in such a situation, I hope this helps you realize that it isn’t all that bad. Do enjoy the video below by Air Supply – Making Love Out Of Nothing At All

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Comments

  1. Hey Anya,great post.Reading your post brings back all my sad memories.I’ve been cheated once in a 2 years of relationship.And i gave a lot of chances but sometimes people never change.

    Breaking up is really hard but life has to go on..(now you can change the song to “My Heart Will Go On” by Celine Dion):)

    Like Anya said “Keep yourself busy, maintain only necessary contact, and try to limit the amount of outside advice you get because that can sometimes confuse you further.”..Its true.In that emotional state,you wanna be with your ownself.Be closer to your inner feelings.

    Tipsgoda’s last blog post..Why Taking Your First Date To The Cinema A Bad Idea

  2. @Tipsgoda,

    Great input there. It definitely feels bad when fallen out of love but life still continues. There is a saying “Time will heal all wounds” right?

    Wei Liang

    Wei Liang | Earn Money Online’s last blog post..Updates For 2009

  3. Tipsgoda, I’m glad you follow this blog so religiously. :)
    Even more so for agreeing with me most of the time. :D
    I found that being cheated on was opportunity to realize how capable I was of doing a lot of things I once thought was beyond me. I hope your unfortunate experience had the same effects on you.

    Wei Liang, thanks for dropping by!

    Anya’s last blog post..thank you. :)

  4. @tipsgoda,

    I like that song…by Celine Dion but i think the song “Life Goes On” by LeAnn Rimes.. :)

    @wei liang,

    without doubt, “Time will heal all wounds” is true. As time goes by, we have to keep on moving forward, without thinking about all the bad times we have gone through.

    @Anya,
    I definitely agree that Tipsgoda has been a big fan of Cupid Blogger Dot Com :)

  5. hey,yea,Im a fan.Besides,theres not many Malaysian blogs in dating/love/relationship field..So why not make friends and help each other,right?

    Plus,i can learn from you guys too and improve my blog.Anyway,keep posting good stuff…and look forward to create more partnership with Cupidblogger in the future…

    :)

    Tipsgoda’s last blog post..Why Taking Your First Date To The Cinema A Bad Idea

  6. yo tipsgoda,

    yeah friends and partners too. I do believe we can learn from each other from time to time no matter from the web or content as well..
    Stay tuned as i have some interesting announcement in Cupid Blogger Dot Com before i am off for my vacation next week

  7. great ideas… thanks for sharing… by the way, i’m the kind of lonely person, dont like gathering and just wanna be myself…dont care with recent trend…

    swag lamps’s last blog post..Deco Pendant Hanging Lamps

  8. Hey, I need help. My boyfriend and I seem really not interested. We are wayyy too “fake” to each other. We are too nice to each other. I swear, I don’t feel connected to him at all. I feel like, with him, I don’t even know how love is supposed to feel anymore. I would break up with him, but here’s the catch: he has friends who are “obsessed” with our relationship, and if I break up with him, I will end up with no friends at all… So I have to find a way for him to break up with me without doing something totally crazy. Please help!!!!

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