As much as we’d like to believe that everyone out there is genuinely looking for someone to carry on a relationship with, you’d be surprised by the number of guys and girls who are only in it for a good time. If you’re the kind of person who’s looking for any kind of commitment, you’d best steer clear from people who are only looking for a quick one – and I’m using that term in its every sense – and believe it or not, they’re relatively easy to spot.
First off, however, I’d like to apologize for the messiness of this article. This is really off-the-cuff, and in my opinion, is something along the lines of common sense, but for the hopelessly romantic optimists, I thought I’d put it all out there.
DON’T GO LOOKING FOR SOMEONE WHO’S LOOKING FOR YOU AT PARTIES.
Clubs/discos/places people go to for dancing and drinks aren’t the ideal venue if you’re out looking for someone you’d like to build something with. Maybe the bulk of them are single and searching, but that doesn’t mean that you have to be an option, and this works both ways.
As good-looking as someone might be in the lighting of a discotheque, they might not be that hot stud/babe you couldn’t take your eyes off from the next morning. As charming and sexy as they might appear to be in the company of pumping music and an array of drinks, they’re probably not looking for a relationship, and if you find that you’re getting a little bit too involved for something that started off at a party, I suggest heading on right out of there before the mix of endorphins and alcohol get in the way.
IF SOMEONE IS GETTING INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH YOU RIGHT AFTER A BAD LAST ONE, YOU MIGHT JUST BE THE NEXT EX.
Guys and girls who are seeking affection and company as they’re putting themselves back together might just be in search of a good rebound, and you could very well be the one who is about to fill those shoes. Too many a time I’ve seen people get involved with the victims of a failed relationship, and it never does work out well (except for maybe the most minute number of exceptions). While they might be good people, you should consider waiting if you’re even thinking of snagging them up. Give it a bit of time – at least until you’re well assured that you’re not just a warm body.
There’s no hurry – if someone expects to take you seriously and see this through, then there shouldn’t be a rush to get into the next relationship. Both of you have to be in the same zone of comfort before anything good to be expected to happen. People are vulnerable right after bad break-ups, and if you don’t play your card rights, you could simply just be an outlet – a punching bag, so to speak, and no one wants to be the dummy.
AVOID DATING PEOPLE WHO CHEATED IN THEIR LAST RELATIONSHIP – especially if it’s only just ended.
Personal experience puts me at risk of being dangerously hypocritical, but this isn’t my personal blog, and in theory, I think that this one’s worth watching out for. People cheat for different reasons (as I’ve highlighted before) and that’s normally subject to the individual, but there are some points worth looking out for.
If said person has a pattern of cheating, don’t bother. Save yourself from possible heartache, and unless you’re thoroughly convinced (without the help of unadulterated optimism) that you’re the one who will break the cycle, chances are you’ll wind up in the same, sad boat as everybody else. That would suck ass. I’m all for second chances, and I doubt I’d be this happy in a relationship without someone who was willing to give me one, but it takes a lot to change a person and you’d best not hedge your bets on it. I’d hate for you to get hurt because you were too hopeful.
That said, though, there are exceptions to the rule (ahem, ahem), and if this person is relatively good and probably (convincingly) had a lapse of judgment once before, then maybe it’s worth a shot. I wouldn’t know – that’s totally your call.
DON’T EVER CONSIDER DATING SOMEONE WITH A HISTORY OF VIOLENCE.
This one is a serious no-no. It’s pretty much self-explanatory, but for elaboration’s sake; don’t ever even think of giving someone who has hit past partners a chance. This is a serious case of profiling I’m doing here and call me unforgiving, but I’m trying to save you from physical pain and mental anguish, so give me a little rope.
I’ve never been tolerant of abuse, and I’m not about to start now. If you’ve even an inkling of this sort of behavior in someone you’re interested in, change your mind as fast as possible, in any manner you wish, and avoid getting involved at all costs. They might come off as seriously appealing and sorry for that kind of crazy but save the grief and don’t fall for it.
ALWAYS BE AWARE OF HABITS WHEN IT’S STILL EARLY ENOUGH TO MAKE A RUN FOR IT.
Some people overlook possessiveness and intolerable insecurity in the beginning of the relationship. A few might not digest harsh words and subtle threats, and there are even a couple who take it too light-heartedly when someone is ridiculously controlling as it is starting up.
Before you get yourself involved, always have a list of qualities you want and need, and be prepared to stand up for them. I understand compromise, but don’t be too forgiving when this is something you see yourself working at for years to come. Don’t forget that you come first, and don’t get too excited by the prospect of a relationship.
If there are some things you’d rather do without, make it known early on, when things can still be worked out. Don’t settle, and certainly don’t procrastinate when it comes to things that are important to you – if you don’t like being spoken to in a certain manner, or if there are some things you’ll need that he’ll have to know to provide, then don’t be shy to speak out.
It’s easier to risk losing them in the beginning, and while this may be an unfortunate prospect, it’ll work out better for you in the long run.
Don’t just simply make do with it if it’s something you really can’t stand. If you notice anything indicates that they won’t change, then you know what you have to do, and should know that it’s not the end of the world if you do it.
There are plenty of good people in the world, but don’t simply assume that you’re about to date one. If you guys have any ideas as a follow-up to this, feel free to leave comments and all of us at Cupid Blogger will reply to it as soon as we have the chance to! :)
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