Yep, You’re Just Not That Into Him

Based on a self-help book, you can reasonably expect that the movie – He’s Just Not That Into You – might not have anything new to say about the battle of the sexes.  In fact, He’s Just Not That Into You isn’t exactly a romantic comedy (as categorised), at least not in the most traditional sense.

Anyway, according to a report from the U.S. Census Bureau, International Data Base released last year, the worldwide population by gender was 3,373,654,147 men and 3,337,271,970 women.

So girls, it’s clear that we have more choices than men… so maybe you’re just not that into him, either :-)  Sometimes, whether you want to believe it or not, the love is gone.


Picture Courtesy of He's Just Not That Into You Movie

During our girl-bonding last weekend, the girls shared how and when they knew the romantic spring was up.

1.  You think of him all the time – in a bad way

“I would ridicule my girl friends when they wear tube-tops,” a friend shared.  “Because my then over-possessive boyfriend would get all upset and turned the beautiful evening into a nightmare.”

You’ll be surprised to realise that you’ve grown to hate some of the things you used to love and adore… just because they remind you of him.

2.  White lies become your shield

“Oh, but I already have plans with the girls.  We’re just hanging around for some updates, gossip and girls’ stuffs.”

But the reality is that you are partying with your girl friends at the newest club in town.

3.  You don’t miss him

“Sometimes, I even forgot that we were dating…” a friend shared.  “Until he called or showed up for our next date… so, have I to say more?”

He was once the first thing you thought about every day, but now you forget about him when both of you are apart.

4.  He embarrasses you

“I don’t really have close friends…” another friend told her boyfriend of 3 months before they finally broke up.  “Let’s be steady before we meet the parents, okay?”

Deep in your heart, the mere thought of introducing him to your friends or family makes you uncomfortable or ashamed.

5.  You’re emotionally disconnected

“We were at this party one evening,” Maria opened up.  “Someone was hitting on him, and truthfully I was delighted.  I felt so guilty that I decided not to end another evening together again.”

You feel relief knowing someone else would replace you and you would gladly give up your place for them.

6.  You can’t spark the fire

“On our first date, we dined at an amazing Italian restaurant and went to the beach for the evening breeze – but I was desperate to call it a day.  It wasn’t fun at all.”

The perfect date doesn’t even make you smile, let alone incite butterflies in your stomach.  No matter how good looking or sweet the guy is… you just can’t light the candle.

7.  You’re looking for someone new

“I met this guy from a friend’s dinner entrée and I secretly hoped he was there alone, even before my friend introduced us.”

You meet a new guy and immediately wonders if he’s available, forgetting that you are not!

8.  You create drama

“My mood could flip completely from cherry-berry to bitching-ass when we meet.”

You would fuss about the smallest thing, pick fights with him and intentionally hurt him with your words.

If you know you’re just not that into him, be honest with him rather than leading him towards the wrong direction and false expectation.  Handle hearts with compassion and humanity because these traits separate us from animals, in this case… women from animals.

Are there any other tips to help girls identify the feelings to minimise the damage from dragged relationships?  Tell us what you feel when you know it’s just not working out… ;-)

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  1. dragged relationships? its complicated isnt it sometimes? you dont wanna hurt other people’s feelings,or you are just afraid to move away because you have the fear of being alone…

    i think if you wanna get out from dragged relationship,just be true to yourself and your partner and then face all the fears.its going to be painful,yes.but being in a long dragged relationship will only make things complicated…

    TipsGoda’s last blog post..How to Approach a Girl. Tips on What to Say and How to Leave a Good First Impression When Talking To a Girl.

  2. That topic is a number 1 topic nowadays among my friends.
    I always wonder how is it, that I never hear positive reflections about relationships anymore… Only complaining, gossiping and turning everything he says or does into a bad way. Girls the same as boys, cannot these days think about positive sides, they only drag out all those negative things and little mistakes that their partner happened to make – and the argument is ready. No more compassion, understanding or forgiving. Love demands many compromises, it is indeed complicated, sometimes decisions to make are hard for both sides, but the beautiful part is waiting at the end, ready to make it all up to us.
    It’s easy to complain and look for all possible ways to get rid of that someone who we’re not into… But first I advice to think about consequences… Hurting each other’s feeling will lead to further dissapointments in relationship as we will always remember the cut in our heart and treat the “next one” as he was the reason of all that. Is that neccessary?
    In my opinion, if we aren’t sure of whether we like someone or not, if we don’t Miss them even when they’re beside us, don’t wish to wake up in their arms every morning, don’t wish to tell the whole world we are theirs, then don’t continue this love game cause it won’t lead you nowhere. Pain, hurt, dissapointment – that’s what’s waiting at the end of this path. Let’s choose the other way, may be that covered with pebbles, rocks even, but at the end we’ll find a beautiful rainbow ;) Believe and you will be given…
    Understanding and patience are hard to learn, I know. But aren’t we suppose to forgive and forget? Think about it for a while and find the trueself inside your heart cause the best is yet to come :-)

  3. Alicja, you’re right. I read in a book that people complain because they now there’s a better option. They have a referene point to compare, that’s why people complain. I would highly recommend people to stop complaining and focus on the solution of their love life… rather than lingering with the problems. Because of we focus too much on the problem, the problem becomes our problem.

    So, I’m on your side that if you don’t feel the spark, do not lead your partner into dreamland that will never come true… *wink*

    jamie’s last blog post..two sides of a door

  4. I don’t know if I’m right about this but this is what I see nowadays..majority of the couples out there are having their relationship just like in the magazines or movies… How To Loose A Guy In Ten Days,How To Let Them Follow What You Say and etc…Especially with all the girlfriends that’s around them that will give new ideas how to treat a man ( also some tips from the magazines ), and this is not only from the girls but the boys too are the same… they will get all the ideas from their buddies on how to treat their girlfriend and at the end of the day… they ended up just like the 8 reasons Jamie mentioned on this topic… People should start to realize that their relationship doesn’t involve their buddies and their buddies will never give them happiness and if they continue to listen to all the ideas from their friends… even if true love is in front of them they won’t get it…Don’t always ask what can your partner do for you… ask yourself what you can do to make your partner happy.. give all your heart when you love the person.. never compare them with other guys or girls… believe that you have the most special partner in the world and love them the fullest and everything will turn out great.. be more grateful and learn to appreciate … work on our own attitude first before we expect our partner to work on their attitude.. All The Best LOVERSSSSSSSSS !!

    • JC, very insightful! Many couples in love are giving to little and expecting too much, or giving a lot but expecting WAY MUCH MORE! I love the part about not asking what your partner can do for you, ask what you can do for your partner, such a strong quote from John F Kennedy’s speech to Americans. Yeah, in the end of the day, love keeps the world go round…

      jamie’s last blog post..two sides of a door

  5. Hi there Jamie, awesome article you have there. Altho I’m not a girl (as you can see… ;) I agree with you on some of the points there. To me, everything has to work both ways… Hey!!! We’re in 2009 now. All those “Men 1st, men walk in front, only men at work” doesn’t exhist here anymore. So to all the ladies out there… You all have my support!!! Kudos to all the ladies in the house :)

  6. and Happy Womens Day too!! (taking hats off)

    TipsGoda’s last blog post..I Want To Share 200+ Wild Dating Ideas With You!

  7. That is very helpful :) I’m just having a hard time trying to figure out what I truly want right now…. I mean I want to break up with my boyfriend but I’m sad if I break his heart… It just seems like our relationship is falling apart anyways and I don’t
    want to deal with crap anymore but yet I don’t want to hurt him…

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